Churches and Faith Communities as Third Places/ Third Place Stories
On the last morning of the five-day Rural Immersion retreat at Agape Community with college students, professors, and mentors, we reflected on what we were taking with us from the experience. For me, I knew I wanted to incorporate the habit of not using my phone as often into my daily routine. During our week at Agape, we agreed to leave our phones in a designated place and did not have them with us for the entirety of each day.
Instead of turning to our devices as soon as there was a moment of quiet or nothing we needed to do, we turned to each other. We learned to slow down and connect, embracing the present moment. Although I expected that spending a week without using my phone would lead me to encounter boredom quite often, I never even for a second felt bored.
I used to always have my phone in hand to take pictures because I wanted to remember my experiences. However, out of the fear of forgetting a moment, I was losing the moment anyway by being preoccupied trying to capture it instead of experiencing it fully. So, although I did not take a single photo during our week of Rural Immersion at Agape, I have more vivid memories of the experience because I was fully present in every moment and connected to all around me. I learned to let go of this fear of not having enough photos and to feel at peace and content, accepting each moment with gratitude instead of desperately trying to hold on to it.
Throughout the week, questions often came up in conversations, and we students wanted to look them up, but we couldn’t, so we learned to just let it go, almost like a form of constant meditation. I would only check my phone once each day to make sure no one was trying to contact me. When I saw that there were not any urgent notifications, I returned to my day. This week-long experience was refreshing, and it left me with a strong sense of mindfulness, calmness, and fulfillment. I especially enjoyed feeling others deeply present with me because no one else was on their phone either.
Before this retreat, I would often unintentionally distract myself by scrolling on my phone. This habit of checking my phone in every moment of stillness took away my ability to experience being truly alive, and I checked all the time without even being aware of it. It also caused me to have a much more stressful lifestyle, removing me from the present moment and limiting my ability to focus. I would end up feeling constantly rushed and in a hurry. Time would fly by, and I would mindlessly waste hours of each day on my phone. My habits lacked intention, and I needed to make a change.
A positive aspect of cell phones is the ability to connect with loved ones who are far away. When used intentionally and at certain times for this purpose, my phone is, of course, important and beneficial, something I am grateful for. But this use must be intentional for me, so that I do not repeatedly unlock the device for no other reason than to escape my mind, losing my sense of time and awareness of the present moment. The habit of using my phone can have negative effects, but it is up to me to choose how I want to use it and whether my habits serve the lifestyle I want to cultivate.
Since returning home from the Agape retreat, I have made changing this habit a priority. Now, my routine is, first thing in the morning, before checking my phone, to walk outside and just be: listening to the birds, feeling the air on my skin, giving my eyes exposure to sunlight, and reflecting with gratitude for the gift of life.
I have noticed that this morning routine sets up the direction of the rest of my day. Instead of seeking entertainment from my phone as I did when it was the first thing I looked at in the morning, now I barely think about it. I now feel more compelled to do things I want to do such as being outside, connecting with others, and creating the life I want. I am no longer overwhelmed and distracted by the bombardment of information that my phone is constantly spewing. To maintain this more focused mindset for the rest of the day, I have discovered that creating physical distance from my phone and putting it somewhere that it is not visible makes it easier to not be distracted by it and to use it only when necessary. My days feel much longer, almost as if time moves slower, and I have the space to do all that I desire. Amidst the constant hustle and bustle of our culture, I am learning to slow down and organize my priorities.
This change in my lifestyle has brought me a strong sense of inner peace, which I believe is necessary to have peace in our communities. It starts within. Through these efforts I have found it much easier to do everything I dream of and what makes me come alive. I experienced tremendous growth when I learned to sit with my surroundings and just be. Intentionally forming this new habit has made me feel deeply grounded and clear-minded. Instead of constantly filling the stillness and silence, our experience together at Agape helped us to embrace them, listen to the Divine, and connect with the Earth. From this place of deep presence, I believe that I am better able to be lovingly present to others, to work for justice, and to promote peace.
-Grace Perkins, a sophomore at Holy Cross, studying Sociology and Spanish, and has been involved with Agape since 2017